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  • Writer's pictureKerrie Wilsea

Granny Squares - My crochet nemesis.

Hello friends!

It seems to me that granny squares are a big deal in the world of crochet. From the quintessential granny square throw/blanket to cardigans, bags, head bands, shirts and dresses. Hell, I even saw someone (by which I mean queen Helena from Squish and Co) make a teddy possum from granny squares. What I am saying is that it feels like if I cant make a granny square, why am I even bothering to crochet?

I mean, all the ingredients are there. Can I make a magic circle? Finally I can say yes with a high level of certainty. Can I do a double crochet stitch, a treble stitch, a cluster or a puff stitch? The answer is also a resounding yes. Can I count stitches? Just about. So why then, could I not manage to make a goddamn granny square?

The thing that is important for me to convey at this particular juncture is the fact that I have a stubborn streak as wide and the Mersey tunnel. Obstinate does not even begin to describe my personality type so you bet your ass I was bound an determined to nail that fucking square. I was going to make a granny square with corners so sharp I could cut my fingers off!

So, in order to do this I did what any self respecting cheap ass crafter does and scurried my way on over to YouTube so somebody smarter then me could tell me what to do for free.

I didn't want anything particularly complicated and I absolutely did not want to start fucking around with 3d granny squares.

Roaming through Youtube, it took a while to find a tutorial that caught my eye until I found the 'Dainty Daisy Granny Square' by Just be Crafty. Three colors, simple looking pretty little daisy square. I also tootled my way over to TikTok on which Crocheted Bean has a tutorial for connecting 13 squares together to make the cutest bag.

Great, I professed to myself. I just happened to have some white, pink and purple yarn left, you know when its not quite enough to make a full project like a teddy but that odd amount where you feel compelled to do something with it? Well, I figured, what better way to use it? You only need a relatively small amount of each colour per square so I should be able to make a fair few.

Onward I ploughed with a sense of foreboding that had been entirly earned. Now I heard through various social media that a debate rages in the calm and collected world of crochet: the best way to produce a number of granny squares. Do you make a full one then move onto the next and do this 13 times, or do you make 13 of each component part then 13 of the next and so on and so forth. I opted for the latter, it seemed more systematic, almost a conveyor belt system.

Cut to me making 13 yellow flower centers, 13 sets of pink petals and 13 sets of white edging. I will not lie to you dear reader, once I finished and laid my 13 squares out, I was filled with an overwhelming sense of pride. I had done it. Granny squares? Nailed it mate.

That was until I began the quite frankly tedious process of stitching them all together. Now I know wat you are going to say, its a pain in the proverbial and nobody like that part, but bear with it and it will get better and neater. And I would whole heartedly agree with you. If the things you were stitching together were all the same size in the first place. Not one of those squares was the same size as another. Can I explain to you how everything that looked and felt so promising ended up so very wrong? No, no I cannot. To this day I have no idea how they ended up so fundametally wrong.

But Kerrie, you cry, I am sure you handled the situation with grace and maturity?! You would be wrong. What I did do was have a slight emotional breakdown, a massive strop, throw them all in the bin and go to bed like a petulant child.

Now a break from crochet was forced upon me as mum ended up in hospital for a stay so my love of crochet and writing inane blogs to nobody took a back seat for a while. However, she soon recovered and once normal service was resumed, it was back to the wool.

Back to the squares. Clearly, through no fault of her own I might add, I could not properly follow Just be Crafty's tutorials so back to YouTube I shuffled with my tail firmly between my legs until I found gold in the form of 'Daisy Granny Square tutorial' by Melanie Ham.

Now all my pink, purple and white wool had been used up in my previous fiasco, however I did have some green, white and yellow wool that needed using up and they happened to be abut the same thickness. Pretty colour for a daisy if i do say so myself.

Once again, because I am a glutton for punishment and do not learn from my mistakes, I committed myself to the conveyor belt method. Making all the centers, the petals then the edging.

If I do say so myself, they turned out banging! I even, because I am what my partner would call a compulsive spender, bought myself a blocking board to make my edges crisp so I can attach them easier later on.

crochet granny squares on blocking board
Granny Squares!!

I have since made 9 squares. I will grant you that it is not a large amount by any stretch of the imagination. They are, however, 9 actual squares of the same size, pattern and dimension, so even if I never get around to making more and finishing this god forsaken handbag that I have decided to make, I am calling this a fucking win, and you cant take that away from me!

What I am driving at is that 1) I hate granny squares 2) A win is a win, no matter how small.

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